February 7, 2017 – Q&A on Creativity & Chemo Update
Dear Friends and Family,
I was recently interviewed by Roxanne Brathwaite for her blog, Suite City Woman, about creativity and my new studio. If you didn’t see it thru Face Book, please go and have a look:
I was very happy with the results. Of course I’d love your feedback, either on the blog or by email.
Meanwhile I’ve been living through the latest round of chemo. It began at the end of November and it ends next Friday. Do you know the difference between a drug reaction and a drug side effect? Nor did I. This particular poison is known for its reactions – that’s the bad things that happen while they actually give the drug – so first they give you a whole lot of pre-meds to counter the possibilities. Initially I had no reaction, so they took off the pre-meds. On week #4 I began the allergic reaction – a cough that wouldn’t let me get a breath, a rising flush through my neck and face and finally a weird light headedness. It all happened so fast, I didn’t know what was occurring. Fortunately a very astute nurse was suddenly in front of me saying, “Are you okay?” “No,” I said. “Something is very wrong.” Within in seconds there were 4 nurses around me and I could tell that protocol had kicked in – poison turned off, oxygen in my nose, blood pressure taken (& rising) and a doctor called. Somehow this all settled down, the pre-meds were given and the poison tap was turned back on. I had this same reaction twice more despite the pre-meds, though I was able to recognize it sooner. On one of these occasions I asked if they hadn’t intervened, would it have killed me? Yes, was the answer. Good to know the lay of the land!
The drug side effects have taken longer to kick in as they are cumulative. There have been minor effects – nausea, nose bleeds, hair loss and skin rashes – as well as more major ones. Nerve neuropathy in my fingers and toes and now it seems that some of my finger nails are going to come off. It has become difficult to do buttons up – actions that need the fine motor skills. Last week I had two shortness of breath episodes which were very frightening. Chemo is on Fridays and one of the pre-meds is a steroid which is keeping me wide awake for both Friday and Saturday nights. That makes Sunday very sleepy. Some of the nausea has turned to vomiting. There is a persistent cough and cold which doesn’t want to heal without white blood cells. Overall I feel run down and debilitated. And fatigued.
Unfortunately, unlike Cancer #1 where I have a fabulous oncologist whom I love, for Cancer #2 I have a medical oncologist whom I dislike intensely. He is arrogant and self centered. Trying to get information from him leads back either to how aggrieved he is (the nurses, blood technicians and administrators don’t do their jobs properly) or is an opportunity for him to talk about himself. I’ve given up trying to learn anything from him and I concentrate on trying to solve reaction or side effect problems. He did come up with a drug to counter the allergic reaction. Fortunately his junior doctors and the nurses in chemo are great, so I feel covered by them.
So how am I managing all this? One advantage of having already been through a brutal treatment with Cancer #1 is that I know that I’ll come out the other side of this. When you are in the midst of the misery, it is hard not to believe that this is reality for evermore. Mostly I can remember that there is a farther shore to be reached. I’m not as hard on myself. I accept that I will have little energy and will feel smaller in the world. I don’t expect that my art projects will continue apace while I do this. I decided I would live life and cancel if necessary. I’ve only had to use the Cancer Cancel Clause a few times, all in the last couple of weeks.
Going into this chemo time I decided to take up knitting again as a good project for home – creative, low energy and a soothing way to pass the time. Then the Pussy Hat Project came along! Those were the cat eared pink knitted hats in response to Trump’s “Grab ‘em by the pussy” remark about women. A taking back of our pussies as it were. So that was a really fun way to channel my energy – maker culture meets political action even with low energy. Three of my hats went to the Women’s March on Washington and I wore a fourth here in Toronto’s march. Afterwards a friend asked me to knit 2 more for her and her teenage daughter.
As always Peter’s loving care helps me through all this. He continues to cook me marvellous meals, even adapting to my lack of taste buds but my increased sensitivity to texture. Friends have stepped up for dog walking as I’m unable to do my share. And people send loving cards and messages which really help. More and more friends have reached out to me recently with their own cancer diagnoses, especially breast cancer. It is a plague upon us. I’m glad to be able to talk with them, as those connections make all the difference.
When the chemo finishes, I get a five week break to recover and then six weeks of radiation. In theory, its side effects aren’t as bad as chemo’s ones. I hope to be done this breast cancer treatment sometime in early May. Just in time for the nice weather.
As always if you want off this list, let me know. While I love getting your responses, there is no need to do so. I do hope you go and look at the interview, just so we both remember that I’m more than chemo. In case you missed it, here is the link to the first interview as well: